A wide-ranging & incisive 10 Questions With post, this time with Ben of Strassen Philosophie, a German podcast about daygame.
Ben and I first met in Warsaw in 2016 at a meetup of daygamers.
Since then we have had jaunts to different European cities each year, including Berlin, Vienna & Barcelona, and have been joined by some inspiring guys, such as our Paralympic & world-champion athlete friend Scooter Boy. Ben talks more about him below.
In addition to day- & nightgaming for hours followed by long sessions of analysis on our Eurojaunts, Ben and I always end up having loads of laughs & maybe even too much fun.
He is one of the few guys I know in person who has multiple girls/relationships while still hitting high numbers of lays. All this after getting divorced.
In this post, Ben talks about his take on Qualification, how nightgame benefits your daygame & vice versa, self-amusement done right, and managing relationships.
I am also delighted that he gives exclusive insight which I have never heard before on both his former marriage and his favourite Eurojaunt so far.
I have added my own thoughts in italics.
10 Questions With Ben of Straßen Philosophie
1. When we met up for our first Eurojaunt in Berlin, you had 21 lays in 2016/17 from multiple ways of meeting girls, daygame included. Can you elaborate on how you achieved this from the various ways you were meeting new girls? What were the factors which led to these stats?
I dug out an old excel sheet from those years. The statistics are from April 2016 – April 2017. Within those 12 months I had 51 dates and 21 lays. Those 51 dates were not with 51 different girls. Sometimes it took me two (or even 3) dates to finally have sex with the girl.
9 lays were from girls I approached in bars and clubs, 7 from the street, 3 from tinder and 2 were “special”. I met one at an event were I was a speaker. She afterwards added me on facebook telling me we can meet so she can give me the photos she took (of course). The other one was a number a friend got from tinder but then decided he doesn’t like her. As a joke I said “send her my picture and my number” and he actually did it 😊.
The factors that led to this was me simply not settling down in any way with one girl.
Sooner or later it will happen that I meet a girl I really like. Then I will meet her like 2-3 times a week. This will cost you a lot of lays! Because there will be times when a girl is leaving the city the next day. You either meet her tonight or it won’t happen. But if you already agreed to meet your main girl then you will miss out on that. And obviously you will spend less time on the streets or in clubs.
Then you should also have goals for each week.
Set those goals low so you can achieve them even when you are really busy or when you don’t feel like going out. You should have goals for what’s the minimum amount of approaches you will do per week. I think that’s all a beginner needs.
If you are more experienced you can set your goals like I do:
– Minimum amount of sets per week (10)
– Try at least 3 NCs (you cannot control if she gives you the number or not, trying is what counts)
– Try to have at least one date (same as with NCs, you cannot control if she agrees so trying is what counts)
You should also adjust your goals every few months.
Want to try indirect approaches?
Set a goal to do at least 3 a week.
Want to have more dates?
Do not only ask a girl once for a date via whatsapp.
Store old numbers and ask again a week later.
Also it’s important to track your progress.
Excel sheet, note on your phone, doesn’t matter.
Don’t live in a fantasy life where you think last week was good or bad.
2. You have explored & practiced multiple models of (day)game, and have now tailored a model specifically to what is best for you and your daygame. I know your model has a large emphasis on Qualification. What is the significance of Qualification in game, and in your game in particular?
I am working on my own model (currently called The Seduction Flow).
It is based on all the models I read and tried over the years:
The London Daygame Model, (and the material I read about it from Tom Torero and Nick Krauser), the Mystery Method, some parts of Justin Wayne’s material, and of course from Todd Valentine, which is my favourite coach from all of the above.
Basically all systems tell you that qualification is important because it shows that you have standards and will not just take any girl (which seems to be attractive to women).
My qualification is simple. When I started daygaming again in 2014 I wrote down a list of qualities I am searching for in a woman. And it’s those things I use for qualification. “What’s your sport?” – “What’s the current book you read?”…
I use that simple qualification basically from the beginning of the conversation (starting at the hookpoint) and all the way through the dates.
What I am trying to implement is a more advanced model.
Justin Wayne has a great concept. He calls it qualification ladder.
Which means you start really innocent like “You seem adventurous, are you?” where very short answers are fine (which means she doesn’t need to invest much). The next level would be something like “Tell me something adventurous you recently did?” where she needs to elaborate more (and needs to be more invested to do so).
In level 3 it gets more obvious that you are qualifying her e.g. “What have you got going for yourself besides your looks?” and so on.
(Justin Wayne has rightly been outed as a fraud, but his system The Domino Effect actually – and surprisingly – has excellent & effective concepts, such as its emphasis on the aforementioned Qualification Ladder and also progressive escalation checkpoints.)
3. As both a consistent day- and nightgamer, should daygamers do more nightgame? What are the things which daygamers can learn in nightgame which will benefit their daygame? Conversely, what skills in daygame are useful & transferable when nightgaming?
In nightgame the environment does a lot of things for you.
The music, the alcohol and the social conditioning (people are used to touch, kiss and go on one night stands from clubs) help you a lot in nightgame when you know how to handle it.
Let’s compare nightgame to a flamethrower. If you can handle the flamethrower well you can create a camp fire within seconds. If you can’t control it you will only burn the whole camp down.
Daygamers are used to create attraction with a fire stone. Slow and steady. It does the job but it usually takes hours and several dates.
Nightgame opens your eyes that you can attract girls faster.
Kissing within a minute? Easily possible.
Changing your mind and kissing her friend? Possible.
Pulling within 10 minutes? Possible.
Sex in a dark alley? Possible.
If you learn how to handle the flamethrower you can implement some of its elements into daygame and speed things up.
Daygamers are usually good at comfort. Some girls think it’s weird to be approached in the daytime. The daygamer makes her feel relaxed and builds a good connection by telling her about his passions, job etc. and by also actively listening to what she says. Implementing those elements into nightgame will create more solid numbers but if you overdo it you will talk to her for three hours and then she will go home without you 😊
4. You are probably the second funniest person I know (next to me). What do you think of the concept of “self-amusement” while day/nightgaming? How important is it actually, both infield and for inner game?
I think self-amusement is the most important thing in life. Why should you take yourself serious at all?
Self-amusement makes it easier to continue in difficult times.
Imagine a bad day approaching girls.
The girls were not in the right mood and you only said stupid stuff which didn’t work.
Which way at looking at that day will it make easier to go out again the next day?
If you are serious and think, “Oh my god! This daygame stuff is so hard I will never learn it.”
Or having some fun i.e. “Oh my god! It was stupid what I did today!” with a big fat grin on your face 😊
If what I am saying is not resonating with you please sit down for 10 minutes and get rid of all distractions. Then really think about why you prefer being serious. Techniques to help you question yourself would be a good topic for another blog post.
(Having self-amusement does not mean doing stupid things such as giving speeches on benches, climbing lamp posts or lying in the middle of the street. If you do these in place of doing what is correct e.g. holding eye contact, closing distance, escalating, or even actually approaching girls, then you are not “doing game”. You are just avoiding/numbing the pain, and thus also avoiding growth.
You’re also a fucking retard. And not a funny one like Ben or myself.
If you want to reduce or get rid of approach anxiety, then approach & get rejected, let the feeling wash over you, and see how little it fucking matters.)
5. On Eurojaunts, the personal lessons I’ve learnt have certainly made me better each year. Which trip has been your favourite so far and why? What are some of your most important lessons from Eurojaunts which would not have happened in your home city?
I think my favourite Eurojaunt was to Vienna.
It was sunny, warm and the city is beautiful.
I met the most amazing daygamer: Scooter Boy (next to you). [Ha!]
He is disabled and approaches girls with an electric scooter. You need to see it to believe it. Much respect to that guy. And shame on any guy who doesn’t have the balls to approach. This guy proves that anything is possible!
Ok, I have to admit one girl I fucked was only a 3 but it was at least a fast SDL. (I still cannot understand this because you already & consistently fuck hot girls – I’ve seen it! [not the sex, but the girls. Lol] It’s ok, now you can never win in any argument because this happened 😊)
Besides that I had other dates, make outs and sex – ok it was only petting 😊 – with my favourite type of girls: pale white aka “weiß wie die Wand”.
And “Volksgarten” is an amazing, open air club.
I think what is most memorable to me from that trip is the state we were in on one of the last nights. When you pulled and fucked one girl from that club.
We were approaching left and right, opening ANY set.
We were so into our sets (you did your own and I did my own) that we only saw each other while exiting one set and entering another. But I remember that one moment when we passed each other and I looked into your eyes and I could see that killer instinct. That is a situation I remember whenever I am going out and I am not in the mood to approach in order to pump myself up.
(Yes, I remember that night clearly. Killer instinct is accurate. Final night, and I hadn’t gotten laid; I was on a mission. I’ve never felt that sharp or “in state” since. Second best nightgame night ever. That story will be in my upcoming book. As for my best ever nightgame session so far, you can read about it here.)
I think the most important lessons from Eurojaunts are a result of the immersion. Thinking and breathing game for one or two weeks.
This is a form of training you do in any sport. Like a basketball camp.
It is a proven way to hone your skills.
The most important lesson from those Eurojaunts is always to escalate everything a lot faster because you simply won’t see her anymore. You barely have the chance for two dates. It has to happen on the approach or at the first date.
How can you escalate (physically, verbally and the location) to get to your goal?
6. Since I’ve known you, you have always had multiple girls in your life, usually with one main girlfriend. What is your advice to guys who want to get into a relationship out of (day)game, and/or having multiple girls in their life at once? And what would you say to guys who are feeling pain after ending things with a girl?
I think to get out of game is an illusion.
The world won’t change because you declare “I won’t daygame anymore”.
Your girl might cheat on you, you might lose interest in her….
To maintain a relationship is another form of game and it’s one of the most difficult ones.
Whenever you want to get out of daygame please be sure it’s not your mind playing tricks on you.
You didn’t fuck a new girl in months but you have one main girl for a year? Suddenly you have thoughts of settling down with her? You think that’s honestly what you want? Do those thoughts arise in you while you fuck 5 different girls each week? I doubt it.
Don’t get me wrong I love relationships!
I just think that there are a lot of variables that come into play and if you read books like Sperm wars or Evolution of Desire, How Emotions Are Made and The Rational Male, you begin to wonder if monogamous relationships are actually possible for a guy who successfully can do daygame. Because on one side those books hint to the conclusion that we were not built for monogamous relationships and also daygame is addictive and when you are with the same girl for years your attraction towards her will decline. Then that one girl passes you on the street and she gives you a quick smile.
Will you stand your grounds? Will you resist the temptation?
I can only speak for myself:
I spent 15 years in monogamous relationships and now I spent 5 without.
I enjoyed those 5 years a lot more.
Having multiple girls is actually simple but of course it is not easy: Just do it.
Meet one girl on Monday, one on Tuesday and so on.
You will only have time for each girl 1-2 days per week.
Pretty soon one girl will ask what you are doing on the other days and why you don’t have more time. Then you need the balls to look her in the eyes (don’t break eye contact at any cost) and tell her “I am seeing other girls too.”
Some girls will just say “Ok” and that’s it. Other will argue, cry or simply go and never return. Most will stay. Some will never bring up the topic again. Most will try to claim the main spot from time to time (by trying to occupy your time or repeating the arguing / crying part). Girls are used that arguing and crying will break you down. I am not sure if it conscious or unconscious (I think it depends on the girl) but they all do it. Just stay calm. Wait until she stops and then continue your evening with her.
If you get emotional it will drain your energy and you will most likely succumb to one girl. You will slowly make her your main girl and you will get rid of the other girls. This will create a very bad start for a relationship. You just proved to her that she is better than 4 other girls. She will feel empowered. Congratulations you created a relationship that she is controlling.
The pain of ending a relationship. This is a whole topic for a different blogpost.
To sum it up: You are not your feelings.
It’s alright to feel pain!
You like that girl.
She left your life because you either wanted to move on or she wanted to (or maybe both?). Then the pain is the next thing that awaits you. It’s part of the journey.
7. You are the only guy I know in person who has been married, divorced and then become consistently successful with game. With what you now know of the Red Pill & game, why did your marriage break down and what could you have done to prevent that? What is your advice to younger guys about marriage?
I already described the main part of the problem: I thought I could get out of game and that I don’t need game in a relationship. (I was already daygaming for about 1-2 years before I met my future ex-wife).
The most important lesson I learned for any relationships out of those years are (and that is also the reason it broke down):
Stand your ground.
If you don’t like something, don’t do it.
I came home tired from work and I didn’t want to argue.
She wants to eat pizza tonight, ok why not.
She wants to paint the walls violet, ok I don’t care for the colours.
She wants to go on vacation where she is just laying on the beach all day (and it’s not your thing)? You still do it because you like her.
This will turn you into an unattractive man sooooo damn fast. Which in turn leads to less sex. Which in turn frustrates you.
And then you stay some time longer in a relationship that you don’t like. But the relationship is actually dead already. I think a lot of relationships go on like this for a lot of years.
Standing your ground doesn’t mean shouting at each other. It just means to say no whenever you don’t like something.
Suggest something else that you like. Try to make it appealing to her. If she doesn’t like it say “ok tonight we do it the way you want but tomorrow we do what I want.” This will make sure you don’t have the princess type as a girlfriend. This type will be your happy and loving girlfriend as long as you like the same stuff she likes. But if she has to do one thing you prefer for one night she will bitch around. Then you find out pretty fast that this girl is not meant for you.
Also be sure to not compromise very often.
If she likes romantic movies and you like horror movies it doesn’t help to compromise on a sports documentary. Do what you love to do!
And that’s why I think game doesn’t stop in a relationship. Because it is tedious to maintain it.
(Note that Ben didn’t actually tell you whether marriage is the right choice or not. Because the decision is personal; it’s yours to make.
If you want to get into a relationship, especially a legally binding one like marriage, do it with your eyes open. Don’t enter one with the fantasy that popular culture & the mainstream media sell you.)
8. What are your thoughts on how to overcome difficult periods or times of feeling discouraged in daygame, and also life in general?
Your life should be built on a few different passions. Please change your job fast if it’s not a passion. Fuck the salary do something you love!
So besides daygame have at least one other thing you love to do. Sports? Reading? Mediation? Watching movies? Toastmasters? If you don’t have anything spend one evening each week to try new things.
Why is it important?
Because if you have a few things you love to do then the emotional impact on you will not be as big as it would if you have only one passion. So if your daygame doesn’t go as expected maybe you are running faster than ever? Or you won some competition at your chosen sport? Or you simply don’t care because you are working on an amazing project at your job.
9. My first non-Asian girlfriend was in fact German from Bavaria, and since then I have been with more German girls. I have my own conclusions about this, especially from my Eurojaunt experiences, but what is the general perception of Asian guys in Germany in terms of attractiveness, sex & relationships?
Honestly, I cannot answer that.
I do not know any other Asian daygamer well enough nor do I know Asian-German couples. Maybe in a way that answers your question…
(From what Ben and other close German friends have described before, Asians are thought of neutrally in Germany. My experience mirrors this – there does not seem to be as unfavourable a stereotype of East Asian guys there as what I have experienced in the UK.
On my trips – both for daygame & work – I have come across many girls who give me massive IOIs & who just find me attractive when I interact with them. This is certainly not because I am able to speak German, since my German not good enough to flirt or tease and so I speak in English to them.
There seems to be no condescension when I speak to girls there as there is in England at times, and the same with German guys [although I am not talking to them for the same reason as I talk to the girls!].
As silly as it is to have to say it, girls respond to me as “a guy”, and not “an Asian guy” or “a guy who looks different”. The best way I can describe it is that they respond to me the same way girls from my hometown/country do.
This is not to whine and say “British people are racist to Asians!” Lol. I have slept with British girls the most – white and black – and some of my most trusted friends are British.
It just is another feature of the Global Sexual Marketplace.)
10. You have had lots of fun with girls from many places, a main girlfriend you are happy with, the means to travel when you want to, live in a city/cities with a good number of pretty girls, and have that one Asian friend everyone needs & who is incredibly funny. What are your plans for the future in terms of women & game? And will you be releasing more content in English?
Right now I am feeling that this main girlfriend thing is holding me down.
My job allows me to travel and game more. And that’s exactly what I want to do!
More English content?
I am not sure I am thinking of creating each episode of my podcast in German and English. Sounds great, doesn’t it? Please don’t ask me when I will start with that 😊
(I will ask him, don’t worry.)