Small city daygame – the kind of daygame in which I was immersed for seven and a half years in two different cities in the UK before moving to London at the end of August 2020.
In this post, I briefly describe my experience of small city daygame, and how I optimised my environment and circumstances to achieve results. In reality, many of these ideas are applicable anywhere.
For clarity, small cities are ones with populations of less than one million. This number is the critical mass which will lead to you becoming decent at daygame. In these kind of cities, you can approach consistently without re-approaching the same girls (often), and thus amass a large library of experiences which you can analyse, reflect and improve upon.
Furthermore, I have not included metropolitan areas in my consideration of population size; the one million refers to the population of the city itself. This is because most girls living in little towns around the main city will prefer going to the shops in those towns instead, unless a weekend day/night out in the bright lights beckons. Unless the daygamer intends to travel to these little towns, it is unlikely that he will see or approach them.
I daygamed for two and a half years in a city with a population of 500,000 before moving to a city with 400,000 people for five years. Both cities were the largest and most happening cities in their respective regions, although that doesn’t mean much – most second tier cities in the UK (and Europe, for that matter) are quite small. Furthermore, I travelled to my hometown in Asia each summer, which has a similar population.
I managed to sleep with a bunch of cute girls during that time. You can read about some of these stories in both sections of the Lay Reports area of this blog, although there are quite a few I haven’t yet written up, both recent ones and Historical Exploits. I plan to finish writing them all by the end of 2021.
Achieving results in small city daygame required much reflection, focus and determination. I was forced to consolidate my daygame skills and significantly improve my SMV.
Small City Daygame: The Truth
The best advice I have is to move to a big city with a population of at least one million people.
Don’t just take my word for it, see what Mr White has to say under Question Four in 10 Questions With Mr White.
However, this post is for those who cannot currently move out of their small city.
For beginners, I will not sugarcoat this: small city daygame is difficult. Unless you are already good with girls to begin with, you will struggle to achieve a good level of skill at daygame because there won’t be enough girls to approach. You will need to be resourceful both in practicing daygame and in introspection, which we will describe below.
Your best course of action is to approach any girl that you find attractive, not just mind-blowing beauties.
I have seen many beginners fail and drop out due to their insistence on only approaching stunning girls, when neither the number of such girls nor their level of skill and/or attractiveness is sufficient.
Do not handicap yourself by limiting the type of girl you will approach. As long as you aren’t repulsed by her and find her mildly attractive, speak to her & try to fuck her. This advice also applies to more experienced daygamers and in every city, not just small ones.
Do not give in to your fear and begin fixating on her unattractive qualities. Instead, change your perspective to see what you’re attracted to in her. If you cannot find anything attractive about her then by all means do not approach, but be completely honest with yourself about this – your daygame and sex life depends on it. Once more, do not give in to fear by using her lack of runway-model looks as an excuse to avoid approaching her.
Truthfully, there are always cute girls in every city. There just aren’t always stunning ones.
Additionally, the volume of cute girls you see walking around will not be high. My first small city was luckily a massive student city – I burnt that shit to the ground over three years at some social cost, doing approximately ten to fifteen sets a day. In the first two years of living in my second small city, I would approach three to five girls a day. In 2019, I was finally jaded and barely did five a week.
If you can accept the reality of small city daygame which I described above, and are currently unable to move out, the next section will discuss how to optimise your situation to get the most out of small city daygame.
Optimising Small City Daygame
The following are ideas I developed or learned over the years to become as good as I could whilst daygaming in a small city.
The first four points address internal distinctions i.e. factors which begin within your own mind, which I believe are the most important in daygame. The next four points are suggestions for infield practice.
Many also apply universally – be it in large cities, or even in gutter game or nightgame – but their significance to daygame improvement is greater in small cities.
I was delighted to read that other daygamers in other small cities have also formulated similar ideas to mine, much like convergent evolution, for those of you who enjoy evolutionary biology. I will link to their ideas below. Moreover, I invite you to share your suggestions in the comments as well.
1) Set goals which are dependent solely on your actions and not on her reactions.
- I have goals for each daygame session. They are achieved through what I do, and are completely independent of a girl’s responses.
- For example, a goal could be to hold eye contact from the moment I open in three sets.
- If I achieved this, then my session was a success – even more so if I surpass this arbitrary number of three sets.
- In this way, you condition yourself to link success to your own actions instead of anything external while building the muscle of taking full responsibility for outcomes in your life. As you can imagine, this will translate positively to other aspects of life as well. Midwest Daygame has a good post discussing this in more detail.
- Doing this is one of a few excellent ways to build good vibe, both long term and within a daygame session. I discuss this and other ways in greater depth in an upcoming product – look out for it.
- Most importantly, however, setting goals based solely on your actions and then achieving them creates positive emotions which you associate with daygame, which then causes you to enter an upward spiral. This is crucial when cute girls are scarcely walking around your small city, as we will discuss next.
2) Focus On The Positives
- I once watched a video by RSD Julien (yes, that Julien) in which he said that he knew a student of his was going to be good at game if the student continually found something good in each set, even if it was something small.
- Conversely, he knew a student would struggle if he constantly beat himself up over the mistakes they did in set.
- Whatever your thoughts of RSD and Julien in particular, this piece of insight led to profound improvements in my daygame. Years later, I understood the psychological process behind this after reading Psycho-cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, a book I recommend if you want to achieve targets higher than you ever set previously.
- In small city daygame, your opportunities for practice are going to be fewer than the ideal. Thus, you cannot waste time on feeling resistance or hesitation. You must develop an enjoyment of the process.
- When you enjoy daygame, you unlock the best and most expansive parts of your mind – the parts which let you calmly assess which areas of your daygame (and sometimes life) need improving in order to achieve the results you want.
- To achieve this practically, first realise that simply approaching her is a win – brand this into your brain. Next, follow the advice from 1) above, and each set then becomes a success. Lastly, as you exit the set, not only congratulate yourself for approaching and hitting the goals that you set, but also fixate on her positive responses.
- The most important thing is that there are no negatives in any set. Yes, this is akin to brainwashing yourself, but it is of the right kind. Any response of hers which is not positive is just information you will use to dissect and assess your daygame to get better. Nothing more, nothing less.
3) Think In Terms of (Simple!) Systems
- “Daygame is a process” – this is very true, but also somewhat superficial. How can you utilise the latent power contained within this clichéd phrase?
- The answer lies in systems. I adapted this idea from Scott Adams in his book How To Fail At Everything And Still Win Big, who advocates using systems instead of goals.
- Reading that sentence, you might be confused as to why I wrote in 1) about setting goals. Allow me to explain. Systems provide the path for you to continuously improve and achieve eventual success through reducing the possibility of stagnation. They reduce the need for willpower by making practicing daygame more automatic and effortless. Systems also ensure you do not have aimless, platonic conversations with girls – the London Daygame Model is an example of such a system.
- However, a system without goals can easily be used to excuse mediocrity. A guy may deceive himself, saying it’s okay sleeping with two or three girls per year despite daygaming everyday. Unless he has conditions that genuinely make life difficult, this is not good enough. I am friends with someone who cannot walk and does better daygame than this. By integrating goals into your system, you inject purpose and direction into your daygame, which will accelerate your improvement and results.
- To illustrate what I mean, points 1) and 2) above are part of two systems that I adapted for myself.
- Point 1) is part of a simple overarching system for daygame improvement, adapted from this video involving Josh Kaufman. In my version of this system:
- I define what the most important sub-skills of daygame are
- Set my infield goals as described in 1) to ensure that I practice these sub-skills
- “Eliminate barriers to practice” by living in the daygame area and setting aside time slots in the week specifically to daygame.
- Set aside an hour after each session to review and analyse my interactions.
- Point 2) is part of a system I use when I am infield, loosely based on RSD Tyler’s Six Steps:
- I do not actively seek sets. I simply walk around the daygame area and enjoy the architecture or
weatherlights. The sets will appear by themselves.
- I enter a set knowing that simply approaching her is a win; anything else is a bonus.
- As in Point 2), I leave each interaction fixated only the positives – anything else is just a learning point.
- Once I feel that my mind is calm, my perspective dilated, and my body relaxed, I start to analyse myself quickly in between sets to see if I must tweak certain things to make my next set better e.g. eye contact, speaking slower, teasing more, making the tease relatable to her etc. However, I do not dwell on this – I decide what to tweak and carry on enjoying the walk until the next set appears.
- I do not actively seek sets. I simply walk around the daygame area and enjoy the architecture or
4) Analyse In Detail Through Writing
- We have already spoken briefly about self-analysis above. However, many daygamers do not analyse in the correct way, nor do they analyse the correct things.
- Unless you were already good with girls to begin with, simply replaying your interactions in your mind as you shower or take a shit will not make a difference. Since there will be few girls to approach in small city daygame, you must analyse and reflect on every little important detail in the set. Be meticulous.
- Writing/journaling about your sets after each session – especially the positives, but also things to be improved – is the best way to do this since the act of writing compels you to crystallise your thoughts.
- But what do you analyse and reflect on? The most obvious things would be your sub-communication e.g. eye contact, pace of speech etc., and stacking e.g. did your tease create an emotional impact, was it relatable to her etc.
- However, it is important that you do not focus on unnecessary things – these are common fallacies in daygame, and I wrote about them in detail here. Furthermore, you have to ensure that you measure your daygame progress using the right metrics because “practice does not make perfect, it makes permanent.”
- Recording yourself in set is also a highly beneficial. If you already do this, you will further sharpen your daygame and benefit from something I am announcing very soon.
5) Look For Patterns
- I realised after awhile that all my Same Day Lay (SDL) opportunities happened on Friday and Saturday, for whatever reason. Based on this pattern, I was hyper-aware on these days for indications that she would be down for an SDL.
- Another example of a pattern is that in the UK, Wednesdays are a half day at universities for students to do sports. This means that many girls who do not do sport will be out shopping instead, so I would always plan an earlier and longer daygame session on Wednesday afternoons.
- In addition to the examples above, look for patterns in set if you haven’t already identified them. Which clothes or accessories do you wear which make the best first impressions as you open? What stacks or stories do you say or tell which have the best responses – and which don’t? This is a key aspect of analysing yourself after each session.
- You must identify patterns like these in your small city, and tailor your daygame to match these patterns to maximise practice and results.
6) Daygame Wherever, Whenever & Utilise “The Magic Feeling”
- The heading sounds
gaylame, but remember that in smaller cities, girls are used to being hit on in bars or clubs, or hit up via Tinder or Instagram. Being approached competently on her way home from work is such a novel thing that it will pleasantly astonish her – unless she is a feminist, or there are daygame spammers in your city.
- Even if spammers exist, worry not. As long as you are more calibrated and are a more attractive character, hypergamy and that magic feeling will work synergistically in your favour. She will not care about being approached before in a similar way.
- Another excellent way to set yourself apart from spammers whilst maximising your ability to practice daygame is to approach as you go about your daily life and also in the place daygamers dread the most: shops. I know some American daygamers do this regularly, and I salute them for it. See Question 6 of 10 Questions With Mr White for insights on approaching in stores wherever, whenever.
- When you see an attractive girl as you’re buying groceries, approach her. If the street is empty, enter your closest
Ann SummersH&M and speak to some girls buying dildosclothes. (I write this based on my experience pre-Covid – I personally do not care for approaching girls in masks; this is a personal preference).
- The key is to not be a one-dimensional daygamer and to understand that girls feel the same rush of nervousness and excitement as you do on the approach, so ride that wave.
7) Stay Under The Radar
- From the previous point, I think you already know not to spam approach. However, doing daygame in small cities – especially in stores in small cities – requires more calibration.
- Do not be theatrical, and do not jump in front of her, or you will draw attention to yourself in the wrong way, as Brooding Sea rightly highlights in this post. Remain calm and centred, stop her smoothly – this is why I stop her from the side.
- Girls are hardwired to want to maintain their social appearance at all times. Thus, speak softer – but not timidly – in stores so that you do not invite more social pressure onto what is already a highly pressurised situation. When you remain calm, she too will feel at ease and the conversation can continue. If she tenses up, then persist slightly, but leave if you feel she is genuinely uncomfortable.
- You will see the same people again and again – attractive girls and people working in or around the daygame area. I would always wait until the girl is out of sight of security guys before opening. Many of them are jealous fuckers, especially those of a certain religious and ethnic background for some reason.
- Furthermore, I would not approach girls who work in stores, simply because it could lead to shit if she sees you approaching other girls, This has not happened to me, but remember that girls by nature can be malicious when they feel offended, and the current politico-socio-cultural climate only exacerbates this negative trait.
- A pattern I realised to identify girls who work in stores is that they walk around without a handbag or purse, and are usually holding or typing furiously into their phones. They also tend to dress all black if they work in a make-up, department or lingerie store, although this could be different in your city.
- It is inevitable that you will be recognised by some people who are in the daygame area as often as you, but as long as you do not do anything outrageous or considered abnormal by society’s standards, you will have longevity in small city daygame (though this isn’t an ideal goal. Move to a big city).
8) Daygame Trips
- The Big One is to make trips to your capital city to achieve the right kind of volume for practice (pre- and post-lockdown anyway). However, from the experience of previously going to London regularly, the cost of such trips can be prohibitive.
- That said, in the UK, there are nearly always other cities near the one you live in which are accessible and nearby. Take a day trip to these cities for variety, and also to have some rest from the regular people you see on your daygame route.
- The obvious days to go are on weekends, but go on weekdays if you can as you will paradoxically meet more girls since you will not have the hoards of couples and families that descend upon the city centre on weekends.
- Remember that this works both ways – the girls you meet will have less resistance to coming to your city since the cities are close by, which allows her to feel safe/comfortable as it’s close to home while the anonymity factor is introduced due to her being in a different city.
- The best tip I have is to know the logistics. Find out where all the coffee shops are located for instant dates, how far the closest bar with low lighting and cosy seating is, and where the closest sex location is – preferably a disabled toilet with a secluded entrance located in the same bar. Hotel bars are usually ideal for all of the above. Cinema bars are sometimes a good option too.
Everything I described above is based on my personal experiences. Naturally, your situation will be different to mine, so you will have to be resourceful and imaginative to adapt my suggestions to your circumstances.
You may have realised that I placed a great emphasis on inner game in this post. This is because in small city daygame, inner game is paramount to becoming an effective daygamer, especially if you are an ugly to average looking guy like myself.
In keeping with the theme of seeing the positives, daygaming in a small city is an opportunity to develop greater mental and emotional resilience, in addition to your depth of understanding of daygame since each approach needs to be as sharp as possible.
I write this post assuming that you know that fashion, grooming and fitness is something you must focus on, regardless of where you are.
A saying I will always remember from my earliest days of learning game is by Peaches, a judge on the pseudo reality tv show Keys To The VIP:
In game, you don’t have to be good looking, you just have to look good.
There is only one point I want to make regarding fitness: aside from the lasting effects of looking better, there are immediate and direct benefits resulting from the surge in testosterone and endorphins following a gym session.
Your mind works sharper, yet you are more calm in sets, which allows you to be more engaging and respond in the best way to whatever she does or says. The greatest benefit is that you will be sexual without trying – she will sense this immediately as you open and will understand exactly why you are talking to her, which is a must if you intend to sleep with girls from daygame.
I speak from my experience as a non-fat, semi-athletic but non-muscular guy.
If someone like me can make small city daygame work over a number of years, you can do the same as you plan your escape from purgatory to a big city. Feel free to comment or contact me via email.
I did not recommend music or anything which people usually use to “get into a good state” because sustained success only comes when you can rely on yourself to change on your environment.
Some recommend doing nightgame to supplement your daygame practice, and I do not disagree with this suggestion. Saying this, I only did nightgame sporadically, with daygame as my main focus during my time in my small cities. Most of my nightgame was done in 2019/2020 i.e. towards the end of my time in my small city – my best daygame results came in the years before that.
You will see girls you have approached again and again, but re-approaching is not something I was ever successful with so I will not recommend it. Try it for yourself and comment below on how it goes.
I did not recommend doing two-sets because my experience corroborates that of top level daygamers I know – sex just doesn’t happen as regularly as from the bread-and-butter single girls. My understanding and premise of daygame is that you must create that bubble of sexual tension for her to want to fuck you, which cannot be created if she her friend is right next to her. That said, I am happy to add more strings to my bow, so let me know if you pull regularly from two-sets in the comments below and also how you do it.