Asian Daygame, Daygame

Tom Torero, In Memory Of

Tim, Tom and I in Cardiff, autumn 2017. My best memory of Tom Torero.

I am truly heartbroken.

Tom and his work more than made an impact on me – it helped transform me from someone whom I did not respect or like into the total opposite today. There were a number of key influences in my journey, and Tom Torero was a significant one.

My character, my identity, my happiness, my life has been so strongly built upon many of the principles & ideas that Tom himself espoused and lived by.

And so, after everyone had left my place in the early hours of New Years Day, I was alone with my thoughts and emotions for the first time since learning the news earlier that day from my friend Ian. And I was overwhelmed.

In that moment of such strong grief, I felt compelled to express just how great a loss this was. Some of you may have already read the Twitter thread I wrote to pay tribute to Tom Torero. I did not intend to say more.

However, Nick Krauser encouraged me to write this; to write about what Tom meant to me. Thank you Nick.

Nick’s own post commemorating Tom Torero is beautiful and poignant, as are the heartfelt tributes to Tom from around the world in the comments. I encourage you to contribute your own thoughts and words.

I did not know Tom very well, but I had the privilege of spending some time with him; not limited to doing daygame, but sharing thoughts, experiences, and stories about daygame and life. I wish to share these moments with you here.

I first came across Tom Torero when I started in 2013 as I watched the groundbreaking product The Daygame Blueprint by Daygame.com.

His ability to explain ideas which were completely new to me as a newbie was so brilliant that I found myself captivated, and most importantly, beginning to understand these concepts.

Tom would continue to display his exceptional ability to teach daygame in other Daygame.com products – some excellent like Date Against The Machine, Conversation King and Effortless by Jon Matrix, some distinctly average like The Girlfriend Sequence – and also on his own phenomenal products, YouTube videos and podcasts.

The videos which I will remember forever are The Girl Is Your Mirror (the first and best ever YouTube video on calibration in game, let alone daygame – uploaded twice because Daygame.com deleted the first one after Tom started his own brand), Improv Daygame (where Tom walks along Oxford Street and teaches daygame stacking through making spontaneous teases & assumptions about the people who pass by), and the video where Tom describes escalation on a date using a clock with red and blue numbers (I forgot the name).

However, my absolute favourite video of Tom was of him and a wing (Craig Cassidy, I believe?) driving in the night under the neon lights of an American city I cannot recall, with transcendent synth-wave music accompanying the nostalgia-inducing, polished videography presently unfolding. If anyone knows and has this video, please get in touch.

I will mention a podcast which was memorable to me further on in the post.

As an author, he was among the best writers of daygame, combining a writing style which conveyed his passion for adventure and living out the extraordinary with his characteristic knack for explaining concepts in a concise, easy-to-grasp way.

From 2013 to 2016, I devoured each and every product, video and book Tom Torero had produced. I bought his first book, Daygame, in 2013; it was the as yet unedited version with the fully black cover and littered with spelling errors (Tom would later exclaim, “Wow!” I was apparently a very early customer).

The stories in Daygame were exhilarating, especially to a sexless, clueless newcomer like me. It served as my guide the first time I came to London in summer 2013 (I only moved here permanently in 2020), daygaming along all the streets and areas Tom had written about and taking girls to the venues he had mentioned. It was a truly incredible first experience of London, thanks to Tom Torero’s writing.

More than anything, that book Daygame – and through the book, Tom Torero – changed my life. I’m sure I echo the sentiments of many others. I had read what was possible, and I had already begun to live out similar experiences in my own life. Like many others, Tom Torero had set me on a path towards achieving success in an aspect of life I so desperately wanted success in.

I did not meet Tom Torero until 2015. I had, however, added his Daygame.com Facebook profile as a friend, and periodically shot my shot and asked for (free) advice. Sometimes Tom would respond, and often they would be one-liners. One of these proved to be one of my greatest ever lessons in life, and I am eternally grateful for it – it was the phrase, “Trust her behaviour, not her words.”

In 2015, as I walked down Argyll St on another weekend trip to London, I randomly met Alex Forrest and Ian for the first time. As we chatted, who else but Tom Torero strode down the street in front of the Palladium theatre, chasing after his student. We sauntered over to say hello. The other two had already known Tom for awhile by this point.

“Haven’t we spoken before online? Well, Lee, it’s nice to finally put a face to a name, or a name to a face,” Tom said to me.

Such charm, I thought. I was immediately put at ease by his words and demeanour.

Fast forward to spring 2016. I was in London again, and was going to meet up with my friend RA. He was going to meet Tom for drinks, and invited me along. We went to the Sherlock Holmes pub near Trafalgar Square.

As RA headed to buy the first round of drinks, I said to Tom, “Your book, Daygame, really changed my life. So, I wanted to say thank you,” and shook his hand. Tom seemed understandably embarrassed, but responded with characteristic humility and grace as he acknowledged my heartfelt, slightly awkward statement.

After the Sherlock Holmes pub, we crossed the river and had drinks at the Southbank Centre. Tom had a photo frame with him, which he was to use as a teaching prop at his Black Sheep Bandit seminar the next day.

“Where did you get it?” I asked.

“I’m staying with a girl I used to know. I just took it from one of the photos in her place. I haven’t told her,” Tom said mischievously.

“A girl you used to know…did you sleep with her previously?” I probed.

“Yeah, in 2014,” he said with a boyish and slightly sheepish grin. “She used to come round the Daygame.com house, and she banged everyone. I remember after we were finished having sex, we came out the room and *one of the other instructors, whom I don’t recall* was on the sofa. I literally pushed her onto him, they started making out, then he took her into his room and slammed the door. Next thing I know, they were fucking!”

RA and I burst out laughing.

Tom concluded with, “Now she lives with her boyfriend, and he has no idea…just no idea.”

I never found out why he took the photo frame with him that day. I did however, see him approach a very attractive darker-skinned girl sat down at a table as we were on our way out. That interaction went nowhere, but I noted how discreet and smooth it was as he knelt down next to her so as to relieve the social pressure of the situation in classic Tom Torero style.

On the Golden Jubilee Bridge, spring 2016. The first time I sat down with Tom for drinks.

I would not see Tom Torero again until the summer of 2016 in Warsaw, where I arrived a few days before a large daygame meetup involving a few mutual friends. We met for lunch at the now non-existent Loft at the top end of Chmielna.

We connected over our similar backgrounds in Biology, and about people we knew in common. Some are in awe of people they look up to, but Tom had such an easy demeanour that I felt relaxed and was able to be myself. More than anything, his ability to relate to you on various topics familiar to you was immense.

He spoke so highly and so well of our mutual friends – an enduring quality he possessed.

“Have you met Roy Walker? He’s had some crazy stories, and he’s really good.”

“Yeah, I remember coaching Scooter Boy in Prague. He bangs some really hot girls. He is testament to all the guys out there who doubt daygame.”

“Right now, Ian is the best daygamer in the world. He does so few approaches. But after he does one, next thing I know he’s banged her!”

Roy has also written a touching tribute to Tom Torero here.

Scooter Boy is disabled and daygames on a mobility scooter, hence Tom’s assertion.

Ian would become one of Tom’s closest friends, travelling with him across the globe to experience more than just daygame adventures and debauchery.

I asked Tom about whether he would ever collaborate with other YouTube game figures, such as the RSD guys like Todd or Tyler now that he was his own brand. He responded:

“My golden egg is Mystery. I’ve been in contact with him, but he hasn’t said he would do anything together yet. If I could get Mystery to do a podcast, that would be one of the highlights of my career.”

Years later, Tom would go on to not only have Mystery on his podcast, but also coach with him, Beckster & Ian in Moscow, where they collaborated on another excellent Youtube video regarding Qualification entitled The Missing Ingredient. This to me was a perfect encapsulation of how Tom went all-in & grabbed life by the horns, and one can only laud the heights to which he reached as an influence in the sphere of pickup, and in the lives of many, through living his life this way.

After that lunch, I met Tom again on the last day of my trip. Alex Forrest, Mr R and a newer daygamer were already at the café with Tom for brunch.

The night before, I had the most horrendous bout of food poisoning, expelling my guts at both ends. It was so bad I got myself to a hospital where they treated & made me stay most of the night.

I walked into the café and the guys asked if I was alright after last night; Tom had no idea & cheekily asked “Why, what happened?”, going on to suggest I had been involved in shenanigans with a nice Polish girl. How I wished.

When he found out what really occurred, he was mortified. He fussed over me slightly, asking if I needed anything more, trying to ensure I was well. It was a compassionate side of Tom which one could not know from his books or videos – a human side of him which to me made Tom Torero the individual even greater than Tom Torero the daygame and YouTube figure.

At the café on my last day in Warsaw, summer 2016.

Tom and I met again a year later in the autumn of 2017 in his hometown of Cardiff, when Tim invited me over to hang out.

Tim, like Ian, was a close friend of Tom and they travelled extensively together, for daygame, skiing, etc. By another random quirk of the universe, it turned out that Tim lived close to me when he was in the UK, and we became friends. My heart truly goes out to him, as Tom was in many ways a pillar of Tim’s life in daygame and beyond.

I had mixed up the timeline and mistakenly written in my comment on Krauser’s eulogy that this was the last time I met Tom, when in actual fact I met him once more in my small city with Craig Cassidy.

I met Tim on the high street; Tom would arrive later. We were walking around the city centre as we saw Tom. Tim decided to do the classic parody of daygame by doing the front stop on Tom. Tom’s reaction was one of feigned surprised, delight, and what looked to me like an expression of brotherly love. I was fortunate enough to capture it (poorly) on camera.

We went for coffee. Tom had just returned from his colossal World Tour with Craig Cassidy as they filmed the much- praised and unsurpassed Daygame Documentary over 30 days in 7 cities across 5 continents.

We chatted about Tim’s impending dream move to Shanghai, Tom’s seedy lay in Singapore and going on to meet Ian somewhere in the world sometime soon, and how Tom’s late father was in fact a renowned surgeon who contributed significantly to modern advancements in the field in which I specialise, much to my pleasant surprise.

Tom also told me how his late father used to be the heartthrob amongst his nurses back in old Czechoslovakia before migrating to Wales and meeting Tom’s mother, mischievously urging me to emulate him.

In summer earlier that year, Tom had recorded a podcast with Ian in Colombia (I don’t remember which episode number it is) in which he announced that Ian was the first daygamer he knew, probably the first in the world, who banged a (female!) Uber driver. Ian corrected him on the podcast, saying he knew someone who had done that before him. That someone was yours truly.

Returning to the time in Cardiff, Tim, Tom and I laughed over the whole story as I showed a photo of this sweet young lady of an Uber driver I met whilst back in my hometown during summer that year. Tom was his usual witty, boyish, horny self – a memory that dredges up painful emotions as I write this, especially because Cardiff was my best and most fun memory of Tom.

Another enduring memory from that time in Cardiff was when we walked past a grossly overweight girl. Tom began mock-roughly shoving Tim in her direction as Tim playfully and violently resisted while Tom screamed loudly and in jest:

“EXCUSE ME!! TIM JUST SAW YOU!! HE THINKS YOU LOOK NICE!! HE WANTS YOUR NUMBER!!”

Tom cracks up as he bellows at Tim while poor Tim tries to fight him off, “Tim! She could be the love of your life! The mother of your children! You HAVE to talk to her!!”

Tim front-stopping Tom in Cardiff, autumn 2017.

After Cardiff, I bumped into Tom and Craig Cassidy by chance in my small city as I was daygaming with a newbie. This was now early winter of 2017. Tom expressed such genuine delight being approached by the newbie, and when he saw me he exclaimed even louder.

“I told you we’d bump into some daygamers,” Tom said to Craig.

Craig chatted with us briefly before he left to coach a student. Tom stayed with us, and gave the newbie effective and concise advice in between his approaches. I feel gratitude at being able to witness Tom teach daygame live, as he was as good at simplifying concepts in person as he was on video and at making one understand them.

Tom explaining something to a new daygamer in my small city, early winter 2017.

As the newbie went into an approach, Tom and I were speaking about my hometown and Southeast Asia in general when he told me the funniest story I ever heard from him:

“I was in Thailand, and I went on a date with a really hot bird. And it was going really well…almost TOO well.

And then I checked her hands – her ring finger was longer than her index finger.

So I plucked up the balls to ask her, or him, or it, ‘Are you a ladyboy?’ He, she, it said, “Yes, I am. You like?”

I thought to myself, ‘Oh. Fuck.’

I politely said I wasn’t interested, but…I asked if I could touch her/it’s boobs. She said yes, so I did.

It was weird, but hot.”

Tom made the gesture of squeezing boobs with both hands as he told me that last part, and did so with a nervous grin and chuckle. I cracked up.

It feels poignantly fateful that the last time I ever spoke to Tom Torero in person was in my small city, the city in which I genuinely came into my own as a daygamer.

We exchanged messages now and again, but we never kept in close contact and our exchanges began fizzling out. Tom stopped replying to my messages entirely in 2019 after I began my blog. Until today, I do not know why this happened. Most sorrowfully, I never will. I feel a stab of guilt that I once thought he cut off contact due to negative feelings towards me resulting from my starting a blog.

I was never a competitor, nor aspire to be one.

I always was and will be an admirer, knowing that all I have achieved and will achieve in daygame is done by standing on the shoulders of the colossus that is Tom Torero.

Tom Torero was a pioneer who drove the body of knowledge of daygame and seduction forward, an innovator who strived to improve upon existing ideas, at times causing friction with an equally trailblazing Nick Krauser. Despite this, Nick readily admits that without Tom, he would not have reached such heights in his own daygame career. Moreover, I have only seen and heard Tom speak highly of Nick Krauser, and I know the converse to be true. Underlying all great rivalries lies a bedrock of deep mutual respect – so know that my thoughts are with you at this time Nick.

Tom Torero was an icon who helped men carve out their paths, rediscover their integrity in communicating their attraction towards women, and maintain their dignity in a confusing sexual marketplace, exhorting us so that we don’t hide our dick.

Tom Torero was a forefather of the inseparable union between daygame and adventure, Eurojaunting before it was “Eurojaunting”, discovering the lay of the land before anyone else, and paved the way for successive hordes of daygamers on their forlorn quest to find that mythical Pussy Paradise.

Tom Torero was a maverick, exploring the areas of life that society dare not, opening Pandora’s Box with his discussion on sex and sexual dynamics in his books, most notably Below The Belt. In doing so, he taught men how to give women unique and beautiful experiences through an understanding of female psychology, and always with the aim of leaving her better than you found her.

Most importantly, Tom Torero was a good person. The numerous tributes pouring in show just how much he touched people’s lives and hearts through his presence in their lives. The countless times people have now come forward to say that he would make time for them in their difficult moments, and the way I’ve seen him show love and care towards his friends – my friends – brings me to the same conclusion: Tom Ralis a.k.a Torero from Cardiff in Wales was a kind and decent human being.

Tom Torero will be sorely, deeply, and tragically missed.

I will miss you, Tom. I wish I had gotten to know you better. I would have been there for you.

In these delicate early days since Tom’s passing, the collective and personal grief we feel within our community can be acute and intense. So come together for each other, reach out to each other, be there for each other. Honour Tom in this way.

In doing so, we can look forward with certainty because we know the absolute truth: the legend of Tom Torero will live forever.

To Tom Torero.

Tom and I, in my small city in winter 2017. The last time I saw and spoke to him in person.

4 thoughts on “Tom Torero, In Memory Of”

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